


I Will Love You, As a Dagger Loves a Certain Person's Back

by JoshingtonWashua (themomentofdavyprentiss)



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Abortion mention, Alcohol abuse mention, F/M, Lots of Sex, au where sam is pregnant with joshs baby, but not graphic, everyone dies, everything but sam being pregnant follows canon, i hate myself for writing this im causing myself so much pain, its kind of just there, this isn't smut at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5185925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themomentofdavyprentiss/pseuds/JoshingtonWashua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After what felt like years, the timer finally went off. The longest three minutes of her life ended, and she gradually stood up and made her way to her sink. As much as she didn't want to, Sam made herself get it over with. She picked up the pregnancy test and saw the one thing she prayed she wouldn't. Positive.<br/>AU where the events of the game still happen, but Sam is pregnant.<br/>It doesn't end well.<br/>ABANDONED/INDEFINITE HIATUS</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Love You, As a Dagger Loves a Certain Person's Back

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is an excerpt from 'The Beatrice Letters' by Lemony Snicket which is absolutely beautiful. I read an interview with one of the creators of Until Dawn that said originally one character was going to be pregnant, but it distracted from the main plot of the game so they took it out. However, I can't stop thinking of what if it was Sam that was pregnant with Josh's baby and what would have been different in the story?  
> I hate myself for writing this, honestly. This was written in multiple sessions in the middle of the night, so please let me know if I have any spelling or grammar mistakes!  
> Enjoy!

"Don't you guys think this is a little bit cruel?" 

"Oh... deserves it." 

"... I'm just looking out for my girl, Em."

"Hey... Did you see that? Dad said... us this weekend." 

"Jeez... once again brother you've outdone us all." 

"Our naive sister..." 

"JOSH! JOSH! Fuck."

"Josh..." 

 

When he finally awoke, Josh's head felt as if it were about to burst. He tried to piece together what he remembered of last night. All that came back were segments of things said. 

Chris was still passed out in front of him, and someone, maybe Beth, was standing by the sink, looking out the window. Josh stumbled out of his chair, losing his footing and falling on the floor like a drunken idiot. "Uungh, I didn't think I could last that long. Cochise here challenged me, though, and you know how I can never say no to a challenge." The figure by the window didn't respond. Did she not here him? "Beth? Think you could whip me up that hangover cure you always do? It always works miracles." 

As he walked closer, he realized it wasn't Beth in front of him at all. It was Sam. Should've known, Beth is way taller, and looks nothing like Sam. Man that alcohol was going to be in his system for a long time. Was she acting weird? "Oh, sorry Sammy, I thought you were Beth. Have you seen her? My head is a fucking bomb waiting to go off. Sammy?" He grabbed her shoulder, and as she turned around, he knew something was wrong. Her eyes were wet. Why was she crying? 

"Josh... we can't find them."

"What?"

"They've been gone since last night. Hannah and Beth are gone."

* * *

Memorial services, no matter how sad, have the potential to be wonderful. The person who has died is honored, and rather than a mourning of their death, it can be a celebration of their life. The person in question is remembered only at their best, and while the ones who loved them cry and wish for more time, they can rejoice in the time they did get, and maybe try to piece life back together.  

Hannah and Beth Washington did not get something so lovely. With detectives that are stoner deadbeats who won't close cases that are hopeless, and parents who look for the publicity in everything, a beautiful ceremony was apparently too much to ask. Once every month, a candlelight vigil is instead held. Pictures of the two are placed around and an open invitation is given to the public so that tasteless performances of 'Stairway to Heaven' and 'Kite' by U2 can be played while fans of Bob Washington pretend to cry hoping their emotion will impress the man enough to be put in his next film. 

The first service was as close to nice as it got. While everyone from the lodge showed up and showed Josh support, cameras were flooding the entire area. T-shirts were being sold and someone was handing around a petition to be able to buy a DvD version of that night. 

They only went downhill from there. Crowds slowly declined and soon Josh's parents stooped so low as to try and have attractions to bring in more people. Josh stopped going after the third one, when his parents hired a clown. What the fuck was wrong with people? 

Sam and Chris were always there for him, which helped him through the hell he was going through. Chris practically moved in with him after he was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. Sam came by at least five times a week. Ashley came by a couple times to visit Chris with Chinese food. Jessica stopped by once to express how horrible she felt for what happened. 

He didn't see any of the others for the rest of the year. 

* * *

 

Sam started seeing a therapist once every other week for grief counseling. Chris joined AA. Sometimes he was able to get Josh to tag along. Josh would always come back home and drink himself to sleep. After a while Chris secretly started buying him non alcoholic beer. Josh never noticed the difference. 

* * *

 

It was dark and cold and raining. Several months had passed since the twins disappeared. Sam couldn't stop crying. She practically drove herself into a ditch trying to get to the Washington estate. Her car was parked in the middle of the yard even though there was a grand circular driveway. Josh opened the door before Sam finished climbing the stairs. He looked like he had just woken up. His shirt was old and had multiple holes, and he hadn't bothered to put on pants over his boxers. His dark curls were starting to resemble a rats nest. His eyes were bloodshot. "Sam what the hell happened?" 

"My cat died. Some asshole ran over her. Son of a bitch didn't even stop his car. Just kept driving. Let's watch a movie." Sam didn't bother to wait for an invitation inside. She may have been tiny, but when she was in a less than perfect mood she was not a force to be reckoned with. She got to the movie room first, and just put in the first disk she found and sat down on the couch. It was some indie movie about summer camp. 

Josh wasted no time following after her. He sat down and wrapped his arm around her. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"No." 

"Do you want something to eat?"

"No."

"Do you w-"

She promptly cut him off by grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his face to hers. The kiss was more than just passionate, it was almost violent. "You talk way too fucking much, Josh." She said between breaths. When Sam leaned back in, Josh pulled away.

"What are you doing, Sammy?" 

"I'm doing what both of us have wanted for a long time. You can't deny it. My cat is dead and life sucks and I'm trying to make out with you so please shut up and just keep kissing me." And he did. And soon the cloths came off and soon the moans were louder than the movie and soon somebody landed on the television remote and turned it off and soon all that was heard from the home theater was the sound of nails scratching skin and the screams of two peoples names. 

And soon this became their normal. Soon it became routine to have sex when one person failed an exam or forgot a deadline. Soon when one person burned the toast or left the water running or spilled the orange juice instead of throwing it away or turning it off or cleaning up the liquid running off the side of the counter they would just do each other until it wasn't possible to keep going. And smoke detectors could go off but instead of trying to turn it off they would scream each others names in attempt to be louder than the beeping as smoke filled the room. And instead of mopping up the water running down from the sink onto the floor one would just go down on the other. And instead of grabbing a paper towel to soak it up the two would soak each other up as they didn't know how to face their problems any other way than orgasm.

Because for them, it soon became okay to orgasm their stress away for a day an hour or even a couple minutes instead of having to face the fact that their lives were falling apart.

* * *

 It took everything in Sams being not to throw her phone out of the room. The stupid timer app she downloaded ticked as if it were a real clock.  _Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock_ it taunted her. Her face rested in her hands as her fingers slowly pulled on the roots of her hair. The weight of her head was fully supported by her hands. Her elbows dug into her knees as she kept lowering her head further. She sat half naked on the toilet in her bathroom. It felt like hours, but she knew it had only been about two minutes.  _Just one minute to go. Just one goddamn minute._

Sam hated herself at this moment. At first, her and Josh tried to be careful. But after a certain point, they got reckless. In their sex crazed state, the condom only made it on half the time. Maybe less. When her period was late, she wasn't too worried. It was normal for her to be off schedule. She didn't feel a need to be panicked over her menstrual cycle.

But then the morning sickness started. She told Josh it was nothing, just an everyday stomach virus. She told him she was going to go get some medicine as she left his house, but during her stop home she only purchased one thing. 

After what felt like years, the timer finally went off. The longest three minutes of her life ended, and she gradually stood up and made her way to her sink. As much as she didn't want to, Sam made herself get it over with. She picked up the pregnancy test and saw the one thing she prayed she wouldn't. 

_Positive._

* * *

 When she got to Josh's house, Sam found him playing some video game and cursing at the screen in front of him. "Damnit! Stupid splicers." Josh brightened when he saw her. "Sam, thank god. This game is the hardest. I can't get to the stupid fishery without dying." As she joined him on the leather recliner, she took the controller from his calloused hands and proceeded to take out all of the enemies one by one. She barely suffered any damage.

"It isn't hard, dummy, you're just really bad." Sam joked. He jokingly punched her arm and grabbed back the controller.

"How dare you? I am the best video game player in the world. This game is just impossible. It just glitched right then." He kissed her cheek, then turned his focus back to the game. "There is some food in the kitchen. Make yourself at home."

She got up and turned back to him, "I always do!" Sam ventured into the massive kitchen. Looking around, she got out a pan and went to the fridge to find what vegetables would be good sauteed. She turned the stove top on and went to one of the counters to find some salt. She found the shaker and reached for it, but her hand brushed against a bottle she didn't recognize, and curiosity got the best of her.

Her heart sunk to her stomach when she realized what it was.

"Josh. Can you come here?"

"I'll be there in a minute!" He called from the other room. "This damn doctor keeps killing me!" Her hand tightened around the bottle until her fingers turned white.

"Josh, please. Now." She heard grunts of disapproval as he walked into the room. She held his prescription out to him and shook it as if to emphasize how many pills were left. "What is this?"

His demeanor didn't change. He casually shrugged and took the meds from her grasp. "Just leftover pills from the last dosage I was on. Doctor switched me to something else, but these were still left."

"Bullshit. Don't lie to me. The date on that bottle said it was prescribed thirteen days ago. You haven't even opened it, have you?" Sam's gaze burned holes into Josh. "How long has it been since you last took the amount of medicine you were supposed to?"

His expression changed immediately, but Sam couldn't read him. He was anything but happy, though. "It doesn't matter."

Sam paced around the counter island in the kitchen. Her hands were shaking as she ran them through her hair, pulling at every follicle. "Of course it matters, Josh! This is important! There's a reason doctor's give people this stuff!"

Josh was getting more upset. "Why the hell do you care, huh? This shouldn't matter to you! You didn't even notice anything different! That means that I don't even need to be on it!"

"Just because you can put up a good front doesn't mean that I believe you're fine. We both know you're lying Josh. Please. Why did you stop?" Josh just stood there, taking random steps but not going anywhere, as if he was starting to do ten different things at once. Finally, he moved towards her and pulled her in. His mouth found her, and immediately they became more engrossed in each other. But this was wrong. This isn't what should have been happening. Sam pulled away from him. "No! This isn't me trying to start some twisted foreplay with you. You can't climax your way out of this discussion."

"Why the hell not?" Josh yelled. "This is our relationship. When things get bad, we have sex. I'm not anything else to you, or vice versa." Tears welled in Sam's eyes. "Don't fucking even, Sammy. You started this. This is what you wanted. Don't be upset that we aren't sitting by the fireside holding hands or snuggling under a blanket together. We aren't together. This isn't something for you to worry about."

Sam grabbed Josh's hand and pulled it to her chest. She looked deep in his brown eyes, trying to find the falseness in his statement. "That's not true. Do you honestly believe what you just said? That isn't all our relationship is to me! I love you, Josh. I don't see you as a free form of erotica. I'm here for you in everything! And if I find out that you might be hurting, or suffering, I'm going to care! Let me help you!" Immediately, Josh's whole body gave out. He fell onto her, his head resting in her neck, his arms around her waist. They stayed locked in that position, until Sam asked him a question she shouldn't have.

"Are you seeing them again?" His body went rigid against hers. He pushed Sam away from him.

"What?"

"Are you seeing them again? Hannah and Be-" Josh turned around and pushed an entire basket of fruits off the table onto the floor, apples and oranges and pears all rolling onto the floor. He grabbed Sam's shoulders, so tightly his fingernails started to leave marks on her skin.

"You promised me. You fucking promised me we wouldn't mention them again. We wouldn't talk about them. You lied to me!" This time, she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face.

"Please, Josh. Are you seeing them?"

"This is what you've been waiting for, isn't it?! You've been waiting for the screw up Washington child to finally crack! You don't care! This is what you've wanted all along!" He pushed her away, and started punching the counter top until his knuckles bled. Blood stained the granite finish. Sam ran over to him and tried to pry his hand off the hard surface.

"That's not true!" Josh used the hand Sam was grasping to push her away.

"Stop lying to me! Just leave! Leave!" They both froze. Both of them had rivers flowing from their eyes. Sam took another step towards him. She fell to her knees, practically begging him.

"Please." Josh wouldn't look at her."Please, look at me." He refused.

"Josh."

* * *

 

It had been a week. 

Sam had made endless calls and sent hundreds of text messages to Josh. She hadn't heard a single word. Takeout containers and abortion clinic pamphlets littered her floral comforter. 

She was just fooling herself, really. Sam knew in her heart no matter what the circumstance she would never be able to go through with an abortion. Even if it did seem like the only option, just the thought of even giving the child up for adoption broke her heart. Samantha would never be the same if she lost the baby. 

Finally, she got up from her bed and went to the bathroom. How many days had it been since she showered? Or even brushed her teeth? Sam looked herself in the mirror. Wow, she was a fucking mess. Her hair was falling out of its day old bun, her face was starting to break out. She hadn't noticed how oily her face was before, but now all she could feel every single pore in her face drowning. "Alright, Samantha," she told reflection. "Moping time is over. Your life isn't going to wait for you any longer." 

Sam got out her face soaps and washcloths. She took her time, meticulously washing every inch of her face several times. She got out her toothbrush, and added an ungodly amount of toothpaste to the bristles, as if she could make up for the days she missed. 

Finally, Sam turned her shower on and got in. She let the icy water run over every inch of her, and as she ran her coconut scented shampoo through her hair, Sam heard a familiar buzzing on her bathroom counter. 

She almost slipped onto her face as she ran out of the shower. Sam didn't even bother to rinse the soap out of her hair. Grabbing her phone, she saw she had one text message. All it read was: 

_Can you please come over? - **Josh**_

She quickly washed out her shampoo and threw on an old pair of jeans and a concert T-shirt. 

_On my way. - **Sam**_

* * *

 

Speeding laws be damned, Sam was able to make the thirty minute drive to Josh's home in about fifteen. The extra time she saved was spent sitting in her car, trying to figure out what Sam was going to say. She pulled down the sun visor and looked in the mirror. It was ridiculous, really. Josh had seen her at her worst, but something in her still wanted to look her best. 

What would she even say? What would he? Why did he text her to come over in the first place? Her heart felt like it was going to beat itself right out of her chest. Sam grabbed her hair and pulled it into the tightest ponytail a person could. Taking one final breath, she opened her car door and marched herself up to his door. 

Her hand barely brushed against the large, finely carved front door when it swung open. There he stood, with his smile almost reaching his ears. 

Sam almost couldn't believe it. Was it possible for someone to look so much better in only the span of a week? He was freshly shaved. His hair was rugged, but not in a bad, disheveled way. It was a natural kind of style, like each curl was just that perfect without effort, even though she knew it took lots. Josh was wearing a grey button down and a nice pair of jeans. She couldn't place her finger on it, but overall he just seemed,  _healthier._ Sam almost didn't recognize him. The last time she saw Josh with so much life in him was... was before the prank. 

"Sammy... I'm so glad you came." Josh caught her in a tight embrace. His arms were wrapped so tightly around Sam's torso she almost couldn't breathe. His head rest on her stomach. "I... I'm so sorry, Sammy. I'm so sorry." His voice came out muffled as he talked into her shirt. "You were right..." 

She loosened his grip on her and knelt down so she could return the affection. Sam laid her head in his shoulder. All the angry, confrontational things she thought of in the car ride here melted away. Her planned speech was quickly forgotten. All she could say was, "I love you, Josh. I missed you. I missed you so much." 

Josh pulled her away so he could look in her eyes. "I missed you, too. And I do love you, Sam. I love you so much." He stood up, and offered Sam his hand. "Come on in, it's freezing out here." 

He guided her inside, holding her hand as if he were worried if he let go it would never come back. Josh led Sam to one of the love seats in his family's elegant living room. "Listen, I'm so sorry that I didn't call you sooner. I just... I wanted you to see that I could get better. I'm back on my medication, I took my first dose right after our fight. You were right. You were so right. Us just using each other isn't our relationship, and if it is, I don't want it to stay like that. I couldn't handle the thought of trying to let someone in. But I realize now how stupid that was. You were looking out for me, and caring about me, and I just pushed you away. I love you Sam. I don't want this to just be two people having sex when things get a bit rough. Can you ever forgive me?" 

Sam squeezed his hand and pulled it closer to herself. "Of course I do. I'm so proud of you, Josh. I... I have to tell you something." Sam felt like she was starting to sweat. For a reason she couldn't understand, this was so hard for her to get out. 

His face lit up. "I have something to tell you first. Is that alright?" Sam nodded, slightly relieved to be given more time to pick her words carefully. "Well, you know that two weeks from now will be... the uhm... the anniversary." Sam knew. She'd been dreading it for a while now. She couldn't forget how awful it was to think it'd been an entire year since she lost her two best friends. An entire year Josh had been without his sisters. "Well, uh... I was thinking, we could all go back up to the mountain. The eight of us. You, me, Chris, Ashley, Mike, Emily, Jess, and Matt. A reunion. To honor their memory." Sam's face immediately fell, and Josh saw it.

"Josh, I don't think that's a good idea. It's going to be so hard having to go through that day, and I'm just worried that having everyone back together in the place that it all happened is going to be too upsetting. I don't know if I could handle it." Why did Josh think this was a good idea? He completely lost it just last week at even the mention of his sisters names. How would he, or any of them, be able to handle going back up to that lodge? 

"I know... I know. My outburst last week isn't making my argument any more convincing. But I really do think this is the way we can all start to heal and maybe move on. We all left last year dealing with police interrogations and yellow tape everywhere. If we could all go up there, really pay a tribute to  _their_ memories. I don't know... I just think it would help everyone." Josh's face wasn't just pleading. It was almost... desperate? "I think everyone would agree. But I want  _you_ there most of all, Sam. I need you there. For support. You're the only one I can let in if things get bad. I trust you." Sam was never good at putting her foot down, and this just sold her. She knew she could never say no to Josh now. 

"I'll think about it, okay? But only because it's you asking." His face lit up at this. 

"Thank you, Sammy. Thank you. It's going to be the best damn winter retreat Canada has ever seen! Just you wait." Josh brought her in for another insanely tight hug, before remembering what Sam had told him earlier. "Oh yeah," he said, "What did you want to tell me?" 

Sam breathed in heavily.  _Just tell him,_ she thought.  _I'm pregnant. Josh, I'm pregnant. Josh, you're going to be a dad._ But... Sam couldn't get the words out. They were stuck in her mouth, refusing to be said. Something felt wrong, almost off. She had no clue what it was, but for some reason Sam just couldn't tell him. "I just wanted to tell you again how much I missed you." 

Josh softly smiled again. "I missed you too, Sammy." 

 _During the retreat,_ Sam told herself.  _I'll tell him at the lodge. Once I really know he's doing okay. I'll tell him I'm pregnant then._

* * *

 

Josh and Sam spent the rest of the day locked in each others arms. They watched cheap movies and laughed about everything and nothing. They stayed in the movie room on the first floor of the four story house.

Up the stairs, on the top floor, past many bedrooms and closets and other doors, there was a bathroom. It was at the end of the hall, hidden in the corner. There were so many bathrooms in that house that this one was always forgotten about. No one bothered to use it when there always seemed to be another one closer by. No one really went to the top floor of the house anymore, anyways. It was always the twins floor. The rooms were empty, and the bathroom was no exception. It had been a while since anyone had used this restroom. It had been a while before somebody put in any soap or toilet paper. 

But now, there was something in this bathroom. Something in the waste basket that always remained empty. It was a bottle. A small, orange bottle with a prescription that was dated back almost three weeks. It was an empty bottle. Nothing remained inside, not one pill. In fact, nowhere in the bathroom could you find any medicine of any kind. 

The toilet in this bathroom hadn't been used for many days. Six, to be exact. Six days ago, it did it's job like any toilet should. But it flushed down something unusual that day. It flushed down thirty white, circular pills. 

Downstairs, the Psycho's Bathing Bird left, and the Psycho closed the door. Smiling. Knowing. Everything was going according to plan. 


End file.
